It’s tough for me to change: I have lived an overly large, often self-hyped life, too full of myself, and too unforgiving of others. So change is tough.

But, I am changing-steps too small for some, obviously noticeable to others.

The collateral damage of my past: I have alienated some of the people I most love in my life, and they in turn now, do what people do when you hurt them enough-stay away, or worse, insult you, or whatever-which is all o.k.-I have to accept that my past is the long tail that is-that just exists.

Sometimes the best thing is just to stay away. Perhaps there was never much love in the first place-some people are just not supposed to have been family-so much blame and pain and shame-plenty to go around, actually-just loads of it from all sides.

All through this I have a son in Paris that I love and would like to find a way forward with and wonderful wife in L.A who has really been incredible, and our unborn daughter: Emilie. I have my work, my little company Forbes Legacy Ventures LLC and The South Park Development Group and my team-these two little companies step-by-step grow, held together by our unified desired to succeed

If success is measured by growth (in fits, with step-backs), and realizing projects, and customer satisfaction, and importantly the happiness of my team-then tiny Forbes is a success.

Three private, bright glittering gifts:

1. My son-just knowing he exists-and the knowledge that one day, soon or not so soon, we will connect-free will and the ties that bind cannot forever keep us apart-including my past-which is, my past. The love I have for him cannot be denied and that he is my son cannot be taken away from either of us.  There are those who live their lives through the prism of hyper-control, controlling others-I used to-but their grasp cannot forever hold-the love of a father, despite his faults, and the love of a son will overcome all that.  That’s my prayer. That’s what I think every day that I look at photos of him and write him blogs-which he may or may not be able to read.

2. My wife and Emilie and the chance of being the best that I can be-a second chance.

3. My business, which radiates intelligence, passion, vigor, and growth.

I think there is a song with this line: “We all shine on….”

In my sadness, I smile, in my guilt, lessened by the help of  some good friends who are helping me through change-step by step-I try to shine through fear, and lift myself up-despite whatever comes my way.

Here’s the problem with” I’m sorry”: said too much, it means too little.

Here’s the problem with proof of change: It takes a long, long time for other’s to believe.

Here’s the problem with me: too much sorry, not enough change.

So, I have to shine, smile, glow, and glimmer for myself-to feel o.k, and for the team I lead, and for the wife and unborn daughter I love, and the son who, by God, I cherish-in spite of self-knowledge: I have caused great pain.

In my youth I was dragged into a desolation of pain and abuse-year in and year out, a loneliness that cannot ever be understood unless you have been through it.

Shine, smile, glow, and glimmer.

We rushed her to her private doctor, Dr. David Kim and our unborn daughter, Emilie, is safe, and so is my wife. However she has been told to rest and to  really take it easy.

I have my son in France. Because of many, many past personal mistakes, we are not in direct communication. I have my wife, my son, my unborn daughter, and I have my work. I love them all and I can only try every day to deserve them.

-Martin Porter.

Tomorrow, happily, I will be going on a 6am bike ride then off with my team to tour three farmer’s markets (we’ll pick my Dad up from Hankcock Park and take a look at the Larchmont Farmer’s MKT first: my company is going to build a farmer’s market for South Park Los Angeles and we are looking for the best and the brightest at other markets to bring to our neighborhood.

Sounds like fun and a happy respite from today’s stresses.

He’s an ally because we face the same adversary: time and mediocraty.

He’s a new friend because we enjoy the same passions: neighborhood, business, activity, engagement, the importance of building a neighborhood in South Park Los Angeles despite the petty plutocrats, and the living of life.

We will see over the next few days weather we are able to reach congruity on a different way of  doing business that, if actualized, could be a local and national model of alliance-building and partnership building to create what the city and certain paperwork czars seem so intent on unravelling: a neighborhood for the residents of South Park.

We forge on, and he and I, oddly enough, gain strength, faced with the common enemy: lazy, judgemental, impersonal emperors of idiocy.

I have so much to learn from my clients-they have been doing what they have been doing for so long and so well, and with so much passion, that I feel I need to listen as much as I talk-tough for me.

the team: they move forward, through long hours, through tough challenges.

the mission: we’ve laid down really big goals and put our personal wealth, hopes, and futures, to a degree on the table of destiny, betting that our ideas, our precepts are not just very good, but outstanding.

the potential rewards: proportionate to the energy, effort, grit, and brilliance of my team- immense.

with the glitter has to come the giving- the legacy of my companies has to be that the world to which I was born into was left a little better for having lived in it.

this is a life to gulp, to ravage, and to find, in each moment- the good, the bad, something to learn from.

Because your father told you too.

Because were in a recession.

Because it’s just the right thing to do.

Because relationships are bloody well built on follow-up.

Because if you don’t, your lazy and negligent.

Because grown men and women follow-up-it’s a sign of being a grown up.

Because the ramifications of not doing so are irrevocably damaging: the blow back is so serious, egregious, and debilitating and offense to the other interlocutor.

Actually, because your father told you to should be enough of a reason.

follow up= communication= action=solution.

Or,  you can live in blow-back land-and it’s not pleasant.

he fought and struggled and won (and lost) in the game of life and business and cared, always for the underdog.

he developed an island with Jacques Cousteau, James Mitchener, and the Deputy Prime Minister of Australia off New Guniea.

he brought Caterpillar Heavy Machinery to South East Asia.

he made fortunes (and lost them).

he took care of a family of five and never complained.

he is my hero-he shouldered unspeakable burdens and fought valiantly for the under-served- single handidly reforming the mental illness care provider system in Hawaii.

he is that man on the horse, the rider with the whip, who, through sleet or snow will drive his horse till the task is done: He has been my greatest teacher, and in business, my mentor.

over the next months I am going to interview him via podcast for my Son in Paris and for my daughter, who will be born in South Park Los Angeles.

he is why I cannot abide slackers or people who don’t follow-up or believe, for a moment in being less than 200% passionate about everything life’s bounties offer: we are lucky to be alive-we live to leave legacies and the question I ask myself every day is: what will my legacy be?

he is a monument of manhood-his life is ten life’s lived.

there have been moments (too many) when I have allowed my temper to get the better of me but, on the whole, Forbes Legacy Ventures LLC-South Park Development Group has been ‘flowing’ this week.

It’s not just success in growing our client base-it’s far more than that: It’s been a week of cohesion and team building, combining rigor with the fun of really coming up with innovations that have translated into positive results. My team gets full credit for this.

Bumps on the road: dealing with a couple of individuals whose rigidity and inflexibility-sheer intellectual laziness, can be a drag. It’s not the supposition that I am some kind of wonder-man, but I do try, I do  think, and I do act. Make lots of mistakes-but move forward.

Without my team-there is no me: Brett, Eve, Stef, Biljana, Dan, the list goes on.

This week was capped today with verve and high-energy vigor: A businessman I often pass by and say hello to, took the time today to sit with me and take a global tour of our common efforts, struggles, and perspectives regarding South Park Los Angeles-where we are both stake holders.

His name is Rasmus Lee with Premier Real Estate Brokerage, Inc.

Too often I make the mistake of assumptions-and I made assumptions about Rasmus that just did not prove to be true. It’s a weakness of mine, that as I get older, I am slowly getting over. Judging others without taking the time to chat, to engage, and to really listen is both remiss and bad business: opportunity is found often late in the day, when the sun is setting, and ideas are flowing between two men who, prior to today, had yet to engage.

Bottom Line: He’s a big thinker, passionately patriotic, and passionate about my passion: South Park Los Angeles, it’s residents, and it’s economic health. He’s flexible-there’s no box to fit his thinking pattern-it’s open ended: it’s YES. In these times, at this point, we need businessmen who can say yes, take action, and stand their ground. That’s Rasmus.

Three words to summarize my first full encounter with Rasmus: tough, non-linear thinker, big-game player.

And, that’s fun stuff-look forward to feeding off his energy and learning from him.

- martin cavanaugh porter III

today, in southparkla.com, brett wrote a prescient blog about important matters re. South Park L.A-it’s the best post of the week.

I think, my finance, real estate guy, my Development Officer, stared into the abyss and said: let’s go for it.

He wrote, well, cogently, and on topic-and i’m proud of him: he’s brilliant, bright, and now, blogging with verve.

he’s glowing-he is a glow-worm.

congrats my man.

fun

Work is fun.

I am developing a relationship with a sceptic-and that’s fun.

his product is cool, hip, functional, and ‘with-it’ and he’s been doing this for some time, very well, and that’s fun.

Chrysler said: “I feel sorry for the person who can’t get genuinely excited about his work. Not only will he never be satisfied, but he will never achieve anything worthwhile.”

Could not agree more.

posted by martin cavanaugh porter